I survived the newborn stage twice and thought I was tough. Then my toddlers turned 18 months and chose violence. This episode is about the banana meltdowns. The refusing to wear pants. The climbing the bookshelf like a tiny rock climber. The weeing behind the TV. The bolting through car parks like they've been released into the wild. I made three dinners once. She ate a yogurt pouch and half a cracker. My youngest ate a leaf. Drank bath water. Tried to take a fork in the bath. And once sat in a bag of flour on the kitchen floor like a little ghost. I don't give advice. I don't have answers. I'm just a mum who once tried to un-peel a banana while crying. If your toddler is feral right now and you're hiding in the laundry listening to this — this one's for you.